Boys

I've recently come to the unfortunate conclusion that most guys are the same. I hope one day one of them will prove me wrong. I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of false promises, I'm tired of being "in love". This is all just bullshit. I wonder if love really even exists. Based on my life I would have to say no. I feel as if marriage is just great friendship. I would want to marry someone that I could talk to for hours about everything. It would be nice to be sexually attracted to them as well but I would pick conversation over sex any day. Maybe that's because I'm a girl. Or maybe that's because society has gendered us so much into these molds that girls are SUPPOSED to pick conversation over sex and boys are SUPPOSED to want sex more than conversation.

But what about the people who do not fill these roles? We call the girls sluts or the guys gay, why is that? To project our own insecurities on others? Or because society has told us that being different in this sense is just strange? Maybe a little bit of both. Or maybe none at all. I'm just contemplating.

ANYWAYS..the point of this blog was to say that I'm just done. Maybe I shouldn't be writing this on the Internet but honestly I don't give an eff anymore. I won't name any names but I am happy the person that "loved" me likes someone else. he deserves it after being through a hell-ish rollercoaster ride with me. But I'm done trying with boys, it never works out the way I want it to anyways, I'm too obsessive and insecure for boys to like me. I just need to chill out. which is funny because I'm sooo chill with school..too chill in fact I'm practically failing. But yes, I am doing trying to make boys like me..I guess I'll just have to get used to the whole "hey let's makeout and then I'll never talk to you again" sort-of deal. I need to focus more in my blogs this is too all over the place but basically don't lie to me. because I will never ever trust you again. and don't make me promises you can't keep.